Tammi's World

The Sounds of Silence

I shared with you a few weeks ago that I had failed a market tour.  It may sound silly to someone outside the business, but it really is a big deal.  To make it worse, we've been doing a great job here, so the expectations were set pretty high. I disappointed "them". Not a good thing. Not a good thing at all.

Now, two weeks later we had another tour. Bigger wigs were involved. And the pressure has been......incredible. And that's putting it mildly.

So, we had to prep for the 2nd tour. Fix the issues from the first tour. Plus...it's end of the year. There is a boat load of stuff to do to close out '09. Oh, and get ready for the push of 2010. 

And we can't forget about business as usual.  We still gotta keep plugging along. Can't take our eye off of the ball.

So it's been really busy.

And yesterday was the big tour. The Monday after Thanksgiving weekend.  The day we are the most vulnerable in the entire year. Lovely.

My guys rocked.  Our sales have been amazing.  We were well above last year not just for a week, but for the entire period.  First time all year.  I'm so glad for them. They are paid on commission, and with the holidays coming up, well let's just say it's perfect timing.

And they've been hitting their other goals.  Number of stops, service expectations, new account openings.  Yeah....my guys rock.

And...my leadership team has been working their asses off. Tearing sets apart, deep cleaning, resetting.  It takes 2-3 hours to do that, and we have 348 to do by the end of the year.

Oh, and we can't forget about those new accounts. We've been making calls and opening new business every week.

Now, back to yesterday.  I was at the office about 2:45am.  Mondays are my busy days. Reports, conference calls, more reports, more conference calls.  And just because it's tour day doesn't mean those things get ignored, So I went in early to get it all pulled together.  And to see my guys. I seriously believe that helped get me through the day, just getting to spend a little time with them in the morning.  It reminded me of what we were trying to do.

At 4:00am my one manager and I hit the stores.  We had to make one more sweep to make sure everything was perfect.

Although can I just say right now, that's insane.  Who expects to find a set in any store perfect? Ever. Especially on a Monday. Especially after a holiday weekend. For cryin' out loud....

Anyway, despite having worked over the weekend, we found stores blown out. Empty shelves.  We couldn't believe it.  We crammed those shelves on Friday and Saturday. So...a few phone calls and Voila! Full sets.  I fixed displays, put out coupons, talked to store managers.  I felt like I was running for office. But every store we left looked......perfect.

By 9:30 we were back in the office.  I was late for the first conference call. But my mind was at ease. And I was able to enjoy the rest of my Monday.

Until around 2:30. By that time, most of the guys were back and gone for the day.  I was officially exhausted. And we'd heard nothing.

Not a call, not a text, nothing.  The tour started at 11:30 and 3 hours into it, nothing.

I left around 4:30. I knew after I had a meeting with someone that duplicated a meeting we'd had that morning and didn't realize it, even after they pointed it out, that I was finished.

Plus, I'm sure someone will let me know how it went.  I have my cell.

Nothing. My boss called early in the evening to let me know he hadn't heard anything yet.  And then, I went to sleep.

I woke up this morning to no new messages. Nothing.

And the sound of silence is the best I can hope for.  No news is truly good news. That means everything looked just like they expected to find it. Nothing was wrong.

It was perfect.

Thank heavens.

I warned the guys that this was the best we could hope for.  As I explained to one of my sales guys, this just means that the black cloud over us from that first tour has stopped raining. The cloud is still there, but at least we're not out in the cold. We've earned a bit of break.

There are still stores to reset. Still end of the year to close out. The new year to plan for. Business to conduct.

But we can get through all of that with a little less pressure.  A little less heat.

No news is good news....indeed.

A Day of Thanks

Today I say Thank You. Thank you for my family, my past, my future.

Thank you for the best Daddy a little girl could ever hope for.

Thank you for a Mama who loves me, believes in me.

Thank you for a little sister who has become a woman I love and admire.

Thank you for my nieces and nephew - who love me, and whom I adore.

Thank you for a family so amazing I cannot believe my luck.

Thank you for a life where I've been cherished and loved. A life that has been full of challenges and laughter.

Thank you for all of the opportunities I've been given.

I look around and realize how very lucky I have been and just how differently things could have been and I am grateful. 

Today is the day we celebrate when we first became a family, and all that means in the grand scheme of things.

Today is my contract renewal day. My adoption birthday.

And I am grateful.

Walk a mile.....

I am fully aware of the fact that I have become a one dimensional person.  Not something that I had planned. Ever.  So, as is typical for me,  I try to figure out how I got in this situation and what I can do to fix it....

Let's look back for a moment, shall we.  The past 5 years have been horrific employment wise. In fact, since being one of the hundreds cut from the juice company in 2002 it's just been a roller coaster ride of working, not working, working, not working. Opportunities presented themselves only to be unveiled as really bad ideas.

Then....the last cut.  1 1/2 years ago. Holy Moly....has it been that long?!  Anyway, cut....alone. Single.  Only unemployment to help me stay on my feet.  Thank GOODNESS for family.

So, I pack everything up and head back to Florida.  Only this time there was a little hope. An opportunity to maybe get back with the one company I did really well in. The one company I truly enjoyed working for.

And just about the time I was going to lose everything, a phone call.  A chance.  One hell of a chance.  Not just back with that company, but a position as a manager. AND a chance to fix something that was broken. A chance to make a real difference.

Except....it was in the one place I have NEVER wanted to go. Never even wanted to visit.  Ever. Now...I live here. Ok...not really live. I sleep here, and work here. That's what I do. But that's not the point. The point is....I'm HERE.

And for the most part it was what I expected.  See, I fix things. I fix situations. I don't know how I came by this gift. Maybe it was God's sense of humor. I'm worthless with tools and such, but I can fix issues....guess everyone has the ability to fix something.

So I've recentered my focus. It's on getting everything on track here. So well on track that when the opportunity presents itself I can leave.  I want to leave. I need to leave. 

The money sounded great when I was living off of unemployment and on the verge of losing everything. Now? Living in SoCal? Not so much. It's expensive to travel.....and if you only knew what I pay for rent. And I do that because to commute with the type of hours I work is just an accident waiting to happen.  Not to mention I've never been a "house snob".  Oh, I have standards. And a wish list.  But at this stage in my life, I'm all about practicality.

Believe it or not, this is a very high stress business.  It seems so simple, but it's not. And with the position I have now, it's even worse. There is no room for selfishness. For ego. There are 26 people who need me to do my job and do it very well so that they can support their families.  Every decision I make is critical. And criticized. Everyone thinks they know better. And if it's not a homerun immediately then they tear me apart.  I even heard that there are quite a few folks, not my immediate team, but others I work closely with, that think I'm an "idiot".  It's so bad that folks above me have had to talk with them about it.

Gotta tell you - that's a first for me. I've never been thought of like that. And I don't like it. One little bit.

So I work harder. I need to get everything running perfectly so they'll leave me alone.  And the added bonus is then, maybe just maybe, they'll let me move to someplace....easier. Some place I'm not so physically alone. Oh, I'll still put in a mountain of hours. And still be very focused on the job. But I'll also have obligations outside of the job. And that's good.

But I put up with all of this, every issue, crisis, back stab. All of it. For one reason. I have a job. With a company that, despite everything, I love to work for. I can support myself. And outside of SoCal I can support myself very well.  That's important to me. I need to work. And I need to do something that gives me a sense of accomplishment.

All of this is costing me more than most people realize. It's cost me friendships. And I can't do anything about it.  I work a LOT of hours. I can't travel much at all, because of time and money.  I don't have the energy to be witty or even offer much sympathy. I have too many people depending on me, and no where *I* can gain strength back.  So in my off hours I just sleep. And try not to talk. I need all my energy to just get through the days anymore.

So I guess what I'm saying is, this is the new me. At least the new NOW me. I hope that once this "project" is over I can move on and get back to myself again.  Until then....well, it is what it is. It's not just about me anymore.  And I can't let these folks down. If anyone realizes how important it is to have a job, and what you'll do to keep it, it's me.

Just Think About It

So today is Thanksgiving.  Gotta tell you....not my best. But I'll get through it. There's really no other choice. 

It is rather funny that I spent all day yesterday in grocery stores and didn't buy anything to eat today. In my defense we had planned to hit 30 stores, but an issue came up, not mine thank goodness, but it shut our tour down. So I didn't realize we weren't going back out. And I was too damned tired to head out after work. The stores were crazy all afternoon and I was OVER the crowds.

Anyway....I was up at the normal time this morning, going through my regular routine and then, about the time I usually leave for the office, I just sat down and let my mind wander.

I really am fortunate to have a job right now. And not just a job, but exactly what I wanted. Well, except it's in Los Angeles, but other than that it's everything I wanted.  I have so many things to be thankful for, so I need to remember how lucky I really am.

So I thought about Thanksgivings that I've had that make this one look good.

Like a lot of them while I was married. Most of y'all know my history, so I don't need to go into detail. But despite how bad they were, I do miss having a family right now.....

And then there was my first Tday in Florida.  All of my friends had gone home, so I spent the day alone. That was the year I started my tradition of putting up my Christmas tree on Thanksgiving day.  And for the most part, that's been my thing for over 15 years now. Oh there were occasions I didn't, but those are just the exceptions.

There was the year I was trapped in my townhouse. My neighbors at the complex I lived in had a boatload of company and they parked all over that little parking lot.  Blocking me in.  I tried to get someone to move their car, but that didn't work so well.  Finally around 9:00 they started leaving so I headed out to WalMart, just to get out of the house.

There's more, but no sense going into all that.  Does no good at all.

So instead I'm going to go jump in the shower and start my day.  I have much I want to accomplish today.  I have a tree to get up at the office.  I'm actually pretty excited about getting to decorate over there. It's a way to share my joy in the season. And to brighten our work days just a bit.

I have an apartment to put to rights.  I've neglected all things Tammi and I need to get things in order. Again.

I'm going to find someplace that has good pie. I want pie today.  And I think I know the perfect place.  Pie will make me happy.

And most of all I'm thinking of all of our Troops and their families....separated, worried but doing this for Us. For Me.

So, no matter what your circumstances, remember it's not as bad as it could be. It really isn't.  Not if you think about it.  We just have to FIND those things we are so lucky to have.

Our freedom. Our family - however you define that. And most of all, the opportunity. There is always the opportunities. We just have to have our hearts and minds open.

Happy Thanksgiving.